The Pint Test

The piercing frigid wind darted through the streets of Glasgow taking pieces of debris and the sounds of George square with it. It was after midnight, and I walked briskly in the dim streetlights trying to retrace my steps to the hotel.

***

Dinner had begun only two hours prior. We sat around candles in a pseudo-french restaurant. A judge, a solicitor, an international lawyer, and two academics. Needless to say wine was the first thing I ordered- my brain needed clarity to sync up with their frequency.

The judge, a surprisingly young and distinct looking woman with an uber masculine jawline laughed quietly as elements of Roman and Common Law were thrown in juxtaposition by her fellow int'l lawyer. The solicitor began one his seemingly endless rants on personal conduct in a mock courtroom. Next to me an academic kept nudging me as he pointed out the areas of Scottish devolution and then trailing off into the abyss that is third party rights under contracts.
A fierce supporter of the Conservative party, he went on describing the failures of Labour in the past years and how differen things would have been. About 5 minutes into this he looks at me and says:

"But Cameron (Conservative leader) doesn't pass the pint test."

I looked at him with amusement. Is this another cultural euphamism I've failed to pick up?

"You see, Mark and I went to see Blair give a talk only a few weeks ago. The man is full of rubbish when it comes to social welfare, but he passed the pint test. Cameron didn't."

I was interested. What was this pint test that had him go against his own political orientation. It must be a very important one - for a legal academic to switch sides even if for a second at the hand of some examination surely the test must be rigorous. Yet, the 'pint test'? It sounds whimsical.

Upon my inquiry:

"The pint test is just that. You sit in front of someone and you ask yourself - would you go out and have a pint with this person? Is this a person you could find interest relating to, regardless of how different your intimations or your orientations may be? See blair passed the pint test, he's got some twisted thoughts but he's a decent bloke."

A passage I had read in a book once, perhaps Foucault's Pendulum, jumped out of his words. In it, two Italian soldiers from warring factions met each other at arms. In the heat of the awkward and hostile situation one inquires of the other's name. Recognizing the last name the soldier puts down his weapon and salutes the other soldier. Baffled, the other soldier asks "What would make you do such a thing? We are at war!" The soldier refuses and states that, for some reason or another, that family name was respected for the valiant and generous people who carried it, and that he himself had personally been a grateful recepient of such generosity one day. Some bonds were beyond worldly differences.

***

Almost at the hotel, the utter simplicity of the pint test and its profoundness made me shiver. Humans always find a way to humanity. I suppose the pint test is what pantheists preach - indeed umberto's work was a shrine to syncretism. Why is it so easy for some to see and so hard for others? Is syncretism only for the uber educated of philosophers, thinkers, and mystics?

Thats what makes this 'pint test' so utterly magnificent. It has put half the content of Foucault's Pendulum into a down-to-earth, user-friendly, layman methodology. Brilliant.

Now in the hotel room, I threw aside my coat in haste and put on something to match the evening. A thought occurred to me - who would then theoretically fail the 'pint test'? Wasn't it supposed to identify human bonds beyond differences? Does that make Cameron, a flunk, un-human?

I guess not. I suppose its a balancing act - you pass the pint test if you exhibit more human qualities than facade. You pass the pint test by showing vulnerability. You do this by exposing your logic, by rational thinking, through altruism. I should imagine Cameron flunked because he comes across as an artifical figure. Only says so much, in a certain way. Inhibited. Lack of inhibition = human. Inhibition = facade.

My soles hit the plush carpet at the Polo Lounge with confidence. The place was charming mix of antique furniture and modern decadent vibes. I sipped a mohito and realized, despite how brilliant the place was (and how brilliant I looked) I was tired and needed some sleep. I watched as people walked back and forth, trying my best not to make eye contact with the watchful few braced for pouncing.