A Spiritual Rut

I use that word 'rut' knowing very well that it has two different meanings. A rut is primarily "A sunken track or groove made by the passage of vehicles". It could also be a "fixed, usually boring routine". If I were to consider the primary definition metaphorically, both definitions would undoubtedly express my point accurately - I am in a spiritual rut.

If you found my slightly clinical introduction off-putting then you perhaps are already beginning to grasp the issue. I've always been one to take pride in my spirituality, private pride, a pride that is not worn on one's sleeve (and to which this very sentence could propose a contradiction). In an earlier post I had taken the Latin meaning to the word "religion", i.e. "re-connection", to be most inspiring. That is what my "faith" is in - the ability to re-connect. I continue with my denotative obsession to highlight that if one is to "re-connect" to some Thing or some One, then most certainly an earlier connection had at some point been forged. This point, I believe, was when my soul was Created - the day God breathed his own being into me and into all of humanity so that we (the Si Morgh) become a reflection of Him (the Simorgh). Our ability to re-connect to God therefore is inherent to our being - "religion" cannot be learned.

Of course the modern connotations of the word "religion" refer really to "traditions": institutions and practices, orders, ecclesiastic systems, and other forms of social organization. Although fundamentally incorrect, this understanding is not to be discounted. Your inherent ability to reconnect to your Creator, throughout your upbringing (assuming that a particular tradition formed any part of that), has been expressed through these institutions and traditions. Therefore, one finds it most natural to reconnect to his or her Creator by methods learned in youth.

So, I heard myself say one day, which is it? Where should one’s focus be? On the holy books or the what lies between the their lines of wisdom? Emphasis must be put on the importance of “religion” in the face of "tradition". A tradition (christian, islamic, jewish, buddhist etc) must be used and considered only as a tool - your vehicle, your compass, your ISP even. If you concede to the fact that your religion is your tool, way or path then you will agree that it is improbable that only one tool or path exists – just like it is improbable that only one road leads to Rome. Therefore, other traditions that are equally valid undoubtedly exist. The knee-jerk reaction to that statement for me was- what about polytheists? Idol worshipers? If they are just as valid why is it that God has sent messengers to this Earth to preach of different traditions? Well, it would be immensely self-indulgent if I were to answer that on behalf of God- but my honest deduction is that such messengers were sent to teach us values and provide us with even more tools to reach the one Truth, God. I do not recall any prophet that has attacked another tradition and claimed superiority in his own teachings and ways.

When Prophet Mohamed sought to dissuade the "idol worshippers" by breaking their stone-carved gods his point was not to attack their traditions and values but rather (and admittedly my Sufi esotericism is in play here) to make the same point that I have earlier, in that tradition is a tool and not an end to be sought. The idols had become God to his fellow tribesmen and any attempt at spirituality had been set aside, the finite nature of the worshipped blocking spiritual creativity and going against human nature. The tribespeople brought only requests for worldly and material needs and lost the essence of their reconnection. In my interpretation of the Prophet's intentions, perhaps by destroying the idols he invited those around him to look deeper into the source of their traditions and values, not to attack them. Belonging to a tradition where objects are assigned holy status does not contradict a genuine attempt at reconnection so long as such objects are of symbollic importance and are consequently used as tools to inspire you. Christianity reveres crosses, Muslims circle what is otherwise a nondescript rock.

I’m not writing a thesis, I’m simply trying to set the scene within which my spiritual rut has developed. In reference to the definitions of “rut” I set out earlier – at this point in my life, after having matured considerably through embracing Sufism and therefore both my intellect and intuition, I very much feel like I am standing in the sunken tracks of my soul’s triumph, now somewhat lost and intangible. The zest has unfortunately waned, and though its convenient for me to blame life’s many distractions, the reality is that I’ve lost steam. I need a muse, or something to bring back inspiration. My praying has become less and less frequent. I attend mass and though I feel my soul healing as I sit and soak up the energy around me, I don’t stay long enough to re-enforce the connection between my soul and its Source.

At this point my theory is that if I branch out further beyond mosques and churches to experience how people of other traditions find true religion I may find what I’m looking for. Is that likely? Maybe. I certainly have the interest. My doubt is in whether I will keep momentum.

Perhaps my private life is a consideration. Perhaps I am in no spiritual rut at all- that my love for my partner has occupied me emotionally and brought about the reconnection in an altogether different manner.

I realize this might not make much sense. If I had an answer this would probably be much easier to express. See the tribesmen were lucky to have someone come and shatter their routine, force their minds to think and consult their hearts. Most of us are not quite so lucky.

Sunday - Nikonn

Oscar Wilde = The Picture of Dorian Gray

"People say sometimes that beauty is only superficial. That may be so, but at least it is not so superficial as thought is. To me, beauty is the wonder of wonders. It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."