Contrast

I’m watching my second parent’s health deteriorate, and in many ways it is an all too expected déjà vu. Even though it’s been almost 9 years now, i remember quite clearly the stages i went through as a child, watching my mother slowly lose every faculty she ever maintained. It was not easy, but I think to get through it I had to foster a sort of coldness and blandness, only so I could think past the emotion and do what was expected and what was right. I was too successful in that endeavor- now as I watch my father go through the same, I can barely muster enough sadness for a tear. I watch his deterioration, and I shut down, knowing full well what is to come. I’ve gone through the motions, and I will have to go through them again. I expect nothing less.

 

But what’s interesting, at least to me, is how going through these experiences has enhanced my life. I see diminishing abilities and weak souls and the contrast of life is ever more apparent. The colours around me are brighter, the sounds more beautiful, my youth more glorious. I dance and indulge, for life has only taught me that such pleasure and joys do not last for long, and soon heartache comes knocking.

 

We spend so much time worrying about things – love, friends, money - and never notice how much we have. Health is the most valuable of them all, and if you possess it, you will regret not enjoying it in the future.

 

I am unbelievably lucky, I have more than most people on this planet would ever dream of. In theory, there is never a reason for me to be sad. My experiences are hardly novel or unusual. But I refuse to be sucked in by grief and dismay, death highlights the mystery and beauty of life. And for such perspective I am grateful.