Bonds Notwithstanding

A lot of bullshit flies after the end of a relationship. "I really think the world of you" or "Please know that I'll always be here for you" or best of all "I'd like to stay your friend". I know, because I have delivered these very manure-laden words myself.

You spend some time with someone, they become a focal point in your life for however long it is. Usually, if they cross the 3 month milestone you know it's relationship material that you'll actually remember a year down the line. But there's no telling after that what you will or will not appreciate and share once your relationship breaks off.

Today I sat at my desk, trying to focus on reading a ratio decidendi on jurisdiction, when suddenly my office phone rang. The number was private, and having only given out my office number to very few people I picked up thinking, of course, it's that freak from BNP in Paris up my ass again about that letter I sent a month ago.

But it wasn't. I put on my headset, "M speaking."

"Hello?" The voice rang in my ear. It was croaky and American.

"Who is this?" My heart was pounding already because the voice was familiar, and not in a good way.

"JD, man. How are you?"

I paused. Caught off guard and surprised. "I'm well," I managed, but that is where my eloquence ended. Since our breakup, we've probably exchanged a few words (some nicer than others), and only by text.

"Good, good." The silence was awkward.

Of course, where are my manners! "How are you doing JD?"

"I'm doing ok. I just thought I'd give you a call, you know. I remember it's your mom's anniversary today, isn't it?"

That's when I stopped talking altogether. I stammered something incomprehensible.

"It's ok, you don’t have to say much, I just wanted to make sure you're ok." His voice was soft and forgiving.

"I am. Thank you for calling JD."

"You're welcome, man."

I put down the headset, stupefied. This is the guy that didn't even remember my birthday when we were dating. How does he remember this? Even my closest friends have no idea.

Minutes later, I received a text message from JS, my partner of 3 years, saying, "Hey baby, I'm in church lighting a candle for you and your mom."

As my eyes returned to scan the pages of the All England Law Reports I felt a strange warmth. Perhaps it came from knowing that these guys, who I once upon a time shared a lot more than a bed with, still see that what we had wasn't all for nothing. Even though the relationships ended, the three people I have been involved with seriously have remained, in one way or another, a part of my life and all we have for each other right now is a level of respect and care. Sure, I'll joke around with my friends about how 'awful' it was or their 'shortcomings' in bed but the reality is we've shared, and still apparently do share, bonds notwithstanding the bifurcation of our lives.

I don't believe there is only one person out there that is the perfect Mr Right. Ask me, I'm looking for my fourth.