Texting 101: The Do's and Dont's

[This post has been edited following S's declaration of innocence] S, our gem and fellow international party whore, recently shared the following post he picked off the internet. My comments in black and bold.

#1: DO say the words text me when you give out your number to a new guy. Giving a new guy your number and telling him to call can be iffy. Start with a text. Oh dearest benefactor, riding the waves of change. If I give my number out and the first thing I get is a text, I can already see myself leaving the guy. But that's because I appreciate some balls (pun intended).

#2: DON'T just text "Hi." Even if the only reason you're texting him is because you're thinking about him, this kind of short and shy flirtexting typically leads nowhere. Agreed. You may start to sound like you're 'special'.

#3: DO text him back within 24 hours. Anything beyond that reads "I'm just not that into you -- or your texts." And vice versa, if you don't get a reply within 24 hours, rename the contact as *No* on your mobile. Texting is so easy and non-committal, there's no excuse for that kind of delay. On the other hand, turn on your delivery reports! Yes, I have a stalker streak in me.

#4: DON'T purposely send him a "mis-text." Women tend to use this move as a way to make single men jealous. But he'll see right through your needy outreach and move his texts on to the next. Hmm guilty. Did it once during university. I was trying to figure out if this dude sucked cock by mis-texting him and suggesting I was into leather. I followed it up with an apologetic message though within 5 minutes. Awkward? Me? Never.

#5: DO ask him out over text. If you like him, gauge his interest by sending a light-date invite without hesitation. Try: "Don't know about you, but I predict I'll be starving after work Thursday. Dinner?" Text-to-date is an interesting approach. I personally opt for the phonecall because I'm a lot more charming that way. If you're not sure about his degree of interest texting is an easy way out. I don't like easy ways out.

#6: DON'T kid yourself. If he only texts you past 10 P.M., he's probably looking for an encounter you'd rather avoid. The late-night flirtexter does not want to date you. Respond at your own risk. A) 10pm?! Is that the threshold for a 'late-night'? Yikes girl, we's gownna push dat BACK a coupla hours for the real world (i.e. outside of Arkansa). B) Why would you want to avoid that kind of an 'encounter'? Are you 'saving yourself' and keepin a lid on your hot pocket? C) On the other hand, that late at night he may have had a few drinks and lost his inhibition, spelling out what he really wants. Though that goes back to my moxie/balls point. If you ain't got it, me don't want it.

#7: DO use the phone on certain occasions. For instance, if he calls you and you like him, you absolutely must return the call. Texting back in response to his call reads uninterested. Bingo.

#8: DON'T go overboard with abbreviations and acronyms. Things like "MTFBWU" (May the force be with you) and overzealous "LOL" usage should be reserved for texts with your tween cousin or BFF, not to a PBF (potential boyfriend). Muffin, if you're texting guys MTFBWU we have bigger problems than text messaging protocol. That aside, I couldn't agree more. In fact I would go to the other extreme and highly recommend the use of full sentences, spelling, and punctuation. Your message will be clearer and you won't come across as a hormonal teenager (S, for you that effect is inevitable sometimes but at least that way you can delay it :) You know you love me.)

#9: DON'T send a sensual message before you are in an exclusive relationship. Doing this puts your secret fantasies at a high risk of being forwarded to all of his male coworkers. ?! Is there something I should know? This sounds a little too 'close to home'.

#10: DO learn how to send him into the friend zone. Throwing a "Buddy," "Pal," "Kiddo" or "Sport" somewhere in your texts usually accomplishes this. If he's smart, he'll take the hint. Girls interested in dating him don't typically call him "Kiddo." "Buddy, pal, kiddo, sport"?! That just screams closet queen. I would go with a more suave "dude" or "man".

#11: DON'T text your ex. This rule is especially important to remember when you're feeling lonely and vulnerable. Drunk dialling sucks. I have shattered phones to prove it.

#12: DO send a thank-you text, post-date. Even if there were no sparks, it's just proper flirtext etiquette. But if you had the best date ever (we're talking full-on fireworks), call him the next day to say thanks. If he felt the same way, he will definitely appreciate the reassurance! Capital suggestion. I would do just that.


That's all folks,

M